Evolution of an individual is a long, tedious journey riddled with a multitude of trials. The varying intensity of each lesson still weighs upon that soul. And even though a trial has been completed, it doesn’t mean it’s over or if you even passed. Most times, the aftermath still clings to you until it soaks into you — whether as sharp as an epiphany or a slow healing wound. It’s never truly over. It’s like reading a book one time through. Each time you read it now, you find something you didn’t pick up on… a passage suddenly intrigues you or relates to you when previously it didn’t.
Life was much more exciting when you didn’t feel like you’d be trapped in a routine-type of lifestyle. I don’t like cages and I don’t like feeling trapped. I’m trying to break down all the barriers within myself… why would I like the idea of restraints, limitations, and boundaries? I crave pure freedom almost as if you’re chasing the light and running from the darkness… like a wild horse you fear to be tamed.
Maybe a part of me is a commitement phobe. Yes, even though I’m in a relationship and he’s truly my rock and best friend, the idea of marriage doesn’t appeal to me as it once did. I think it is because I understand relationships will evolve and people will change with it. Every relationship no matter the length or intensity must run its course. To selfishly claim someone as your own when truly it isn’t right to do so… you are your own person and it isn’t right to treat someone as an object. However, I am an avid believer in respect, faithfulness, and loyalty. If you agree to be a commitement, you should hold to that union until it has run its course.
I just feel as though every soul must learn the lessons they are supposed to learn. Nothing is forever and nothing should be binding. I do believe in fate and destiny… and I believe that there are some relationships that surpass lifetimes. But I am one soul — although interconnected with all spiritually and energetically, but I am still one physically.
There is probably ancient wisdom to live life, but I think the meaning isn’t about questioning faith. It is finding faith — faith in yourself and faith in your potential. Can you honestly tell me that you can look in the mirror and feel perfectly flawless inside and out? Can you stand before that mirror and accept your past, your present, and your future?
It was just the other day, Joe reminded of me why I did tarot card readings, why I beaded, why I’m so interested in crystals. I forgot why I had done what I did. I’ve always said that I’m not the type to do tarot card readings to tell the future — no, I used to do tarot card readings to understand the present and the past of an individual, to gain insight to a dilemma, to find clarity to why there was a blurred barrier. Above all, I did it to help people.
Crystals and crystal healing are tools in helping soothe people’s pain, find clarity, and find it in themselves to overcome the barriers within them. I used to make beaded bracelets and necklaces with certains types of crystals that had metaphysical properties to help someone with whatever they were going through.
This personal epiphany happened, because Joe told me he like the bracelet I made. I’ve been meaning to get back to beading again and I think my avoidance of the gifts given to me is finally wearing down all my excuses.
At one point, I wanted to give it up — all of it! I think grief made me blind to the actual point of becoming spiritually awakened… I didn’t realize that I had misplaced emotions. I had put the reason why I was doing it and emodied it into a human being. Now I realize after the pain has healed over that the truth is easier to shine through.
Nothing was in vain or done in vain. I didn’t act when I had, because I wasn’t meant to. We were never meant to be nothing more than we had been — interesting strangers. Maybe there is or was a deeper connection, but I’m grateful for the spiritual awareness that came from whatever it had been.
I’m no longer as lost and depressed as I had been in these past few years. The heart chakra is probably one of strongest vessels of energy. The power and strength to forgive… to heal… to create a change, a transformation… it ‘s amazing. It’s a miracle that having loved so strongly, you can come out on the other end feeling renewed and that if you let yourself — those scars and wounds will fully heal in time.
